「私の悩みなんか小さなもの」
と、悩みを放置し続けている方はいないでしょうか？
- 人前だと緊張する
- ママ友と話すのはなんとなく苦手
- 義母が来ると緊張して頭痛がする
- 毎朝、起きると憂鬱…
- 子どもが可愛くない…
どんな悩みも、あなたの人生を幸せから遠ざける大きな問題です。
でも、多くの方は、「私の悩みなんか大したものではない」と、ついつい我慢して頑張りすぎてしまうのです。
頑張り癖は、いつか大きな問題を生みます。
小さな悩みの積み重ねは、心の中に「悲しみ」「苦しさ」「不安」といった、マイナスの感情を溜める原因となり、心のコップを常に満タンにします。
満タンなコップは、一滴の水を注いだだけで一気に溢れ出すでしょう。
現実世界で言うと、何かふとした問題（たとえば、お子さんの癇癪など）がきっかけで、感情の爆発が起こってしまうのです。
あなたは、突然涙が止まらなくなったり、怒りなどの感情をコントロールできなくなったりしたことはないでしょうか？
それが、感情の爆発です。逆に、抑鬱状態から自力で抜け出せなくなる場合もあります。
本来のあなたは、きちんと感情のコントロールをできる人のはず。今の苦しい状況は、これまで小さな悩み・感情を溜め込んできた結果なのです。
ではなぜ、多くの人が頑張り癖を持ってしまうのか…
それは、「自分のマイナス面と向き合うのはエネルギーがいること」だからです。
悩みを解決するには、自分自身の問題と向き合わなければなりません。
ときには自分自身が変わる必要もでてきます。
そして、人間にとって「自分を変える」のは相当な決意が必要なことなのです。
ほとんどの方は、自分と向き合うことを「苦しい」と感じるため、無意識に、自分よりも周囲に問題があるのだと思い込みます。
そして、
「あの人に問題があるから苦手なんだ」
「自分は運が悪いからこんな人生なんだ」
「子どもに障害がなければもっと幸せだった」
といったように、問題が周囲にあると思い込むのです。
人によっては、耳が痛いかもしれませんね…
しかし、このこと自体が悪いと言っているわけではありません。
これらはほとんど無意識で、自分自身の心を守るための防衛的な思考なのです。
心のコップを軽くし、悩みの数々を解決するには、自分の心を理解し、客観的に見つめていく必要があります。
しかし、これを自力で行うのは先ほど述べた決意が必要な他、かなりの時間を要します。
まれに、人生を前に進めないと感じるくらいの大きなショックを経験した場合、変わらざるをえない状況に、自然と変わり方を見つけられることもありますが、大きなストレスと苦痛を伴います。私も経験しましたが、あんな気持ちは二度と味わいたくないと思います。
人が変わる（変わろうと思う）のは、得てして大きな悲しみ・苦しみを経験した後なのです。
逆に、そこまでの苦しみがなければ、小さな悩みを抱えたまま、自分の問題に目を向けることなく、なんとなく生きていってしまうものなのかもしれません。
私の書籍にも、自分の心との向き合い方を記していますが、「変わりたい」と決意をしても、実際に心が軽くなるには最低1年の歳月がかかるでしょう。それだけ、自分を変えるのは難しいことなのです。
自分の心と向き合う覚悟が持てない方は、他人の手助けがあると向き合いやすくなります。
その代表的な方法が、カウンセリングです。
カウンセリングでは、あなたの心を整理できるよう、対話を通してサポートしてもらえます。
できれば対面で、お近くにカウンセリング事務所などがあれば、ぜひ利用してみてください。
外に出向くことが難しい場合は、オンラインカウンセリングという方法もあります。
小さな悩みをいくつも抱えたままにしていては、しだいに心が疲れてしまいます。
心のエネルギーがなくなる前に、あなたに合った解決方法を見つけてみてください。
漠然とした不安や焦燥感があるという場合、カウンセリングで話すうちに悩みがはっきりしてくることもあります。その場合、悩みを一つ一つ言語化し、はっきりさせていくだけで、「なんとなくの不安」を払拭していけるでしょう。
話すことが決まらないという方は、まずはお話しをお聞かせください。
たんぽぽカウンセリングでは、初回カウンセリング、相談は無料です。
相談はLINEでもお受けしております。
当サイトからも書籍データを直接ご購入いただけます。価格はAmazonの半額の500円です。
[simpay id=”319″]
※Googleドキュメント上での閲覧となりますのでご注意ください。
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